The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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