I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
