what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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