It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
