this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
