I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
