happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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