it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
