Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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