fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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