Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Terrible idea I love it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
