..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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