sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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