Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
