I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
