You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
