yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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