Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
