what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
