I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
