i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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