K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
