i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
