In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
