Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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