Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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