Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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