ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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