Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
