just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
