from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
