Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
