She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
