i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
