my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
