I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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