Small penises have feelings too.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
