no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
