Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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