did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
