I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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