Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
