Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
