please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
