WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
