its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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