i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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