so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
