we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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