we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
