she was so not down for the gang bang
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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