FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
