I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
