Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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