we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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